Mixed Media Paintings and the military home.

This sentiment is so true - "Where We Love Is Home"

The majority of military families move A LOT.  People who aren't military (we call them civilians) ask me all the time how I do it.  These two paintings are the formula of a successful military family... we make where ever we are in that moment our home.  There is a familiar saying - "Home Is Where The Army Sends Us"

The little houses in a row represent military housing.  I hadn't added the words when I took this picture.

Don't get me wrong, I haven't been completely satisfied at every single duty station.  I can think of only two out of nine or so different addresses (I lose track sometimes) that I didn't love.  I am not saying that I didn't like them - there is always something positive in each place and that is usually the great friendships that develop.  The first place we were only there for 6 months but our youngest was born during that time so it has wonderful and exhausting memories.  The second place had a lot of old memories connected with it.  It was a place for personal growth and we made fantastic friends.  I never forget the places we lived when Gene was deployed... talk about spiritual and personal growth.  I couldn't watch a single redeployment commercial during the Super Bowl this year without crying.  It gets me every time.

I will probably add a sentiment to help complete the thought/meaning.

These two paintings represent that feeling of the military home.  It's not about the house we are living in or the weather or the stores or the schools (all these things can help) but it is about the people we surround ourselves with.  I grew up in the same little town on a cattle farm.  We made a lot of memories and learned how to work hard but I have loved the adventures the Army has sent us on.  So, these paintings have special meaning to me.  One has already gone home to another military family.  They are sweet reminders of our way of life that might be a bit different from others but loved none the less.

steampunk/military messenger bag for the tomboy

We are still using those steampunk inspired pendants.  They were so much fun to make and I have set a few aside to use in my mixed media paintings.  I have so much "stuff"collected for paintings.  My previous post shows how we made them and then turned them into a banner Steampunk Banner.

Gigi is a tomboy.  She doesn't get why girls like to spend time fixing their hair, putting on make-up or worrying about accessories.  (I love all those things.)  I was so excited when I found out that her friends talked her into using a purse.  She refused to carry any type of bag that looked girly or pink or had flowers or had anything that indicated she could possible be a girly-girl.  I showed her a few of the Kavu bags, which are functional, durable, and fun.  I carry one.   She didn't really love any of them so off we went to look through my fabric scraps.

Gigi designed her own small messenger tote by using left over pieces of an Army uniform, chevron canvas, left over military patches and pins from her Dad's collection and some of her steampunk charms and pendants.  It turned out so cool.  Or should I say epic?  I can never keep up.   Now she's not walking around school with her pockets full of her phone, chapstick, pens and pencils, papers... her new steampunk/military inspired bag holds it all.

I'll miss you 2013

What a busy year that was filled with many changes and challenges.  Our biggest change was our move to Alabama in July.  It signified more than our typical military move, this move is the start of a new chapter in our lives.  We PCSed from Ft Leonard Wood Missouri.  It was the most difficult assignment we have encountered.  Normally, I find pride in my ability to make anyplace fun; however, the entire family didn't adapt well during the two years we were in MO.   I had to accept that some things don't change no matter how badly we want them to and things I wanted to stay the same, like our wonderful friends and neighbors, do change (and move).  I guess I learned to look for the positive. When we received our orders for Redstone Arsenal we were thrilled.  This was a place we always wanted to live.  We carefully chose a house to purchase in a school district we loved because we plan on staying until the girls graduate.  Gene is still in the Army but his retirement is coming up in about two years and we are looking forward to being settled.  It has been six months in our home and we still love it.

I found a new level of comfort and excitement with my art.  I embraced  painting and it has gone so well.  People seem to really enjoy my art work and the creative process calms my soul.  The rest of the time, well, I have been so disorganized (which is not like me).  That will change in 2014.

The girls have done well in their new schools.  Greta had her usual adjustment period but is doing great.  She enjoys singing lessons and made the choir at her school.  One of her biggest joys is living in a subdivision with a pool.  This kid is a fish and loves to swim laps just for fun.  This upcoming summer she is going to try out for a swim team.  It is exciting to live someplace that has these opportunities.  Gigi has continued with piano and continues to excel in academics.  If I just had a tiny bit of her smarts.  It is so fun watching her become her own young lady.  One of the biggest changes I have seen is her decision to step back from competitive softball.  Gigi still loves to play  but wants to play at a recreational level.  She has decided to focus on music and academics and is considering martial arts.  I have a tough time stepping back but at least Greta still holds my hand to cross the street. 

Gene enjoys his new position at work.  It is a secret so I don't  know much about what he does all day but I do know that he comes home with a sense of satisfaction.  He has the biggest changes to anticipate.  When I refer to our retirement I really mean that Gene will be retiring from the Army.  It will be a big change for him to not be a soldier and a big change for us to not be a military family.

I can't forget the pets.  They are such a big part of our lives.  We lost our sweet border collie Friday in April 2013 due to a seizure disorder.  That was heartbreaking but it also opened our hearts to adopting Maizy May Flower, a super shy Corgi/Sheba Inu mix.  May loves four people and gosh, we love her back.  Then after we got settled in Alabama we adopted August Blue.  He is an Australian Shepherd/Basset Hound mix and a bundle of energy.  I can't even begin to count the number of funny things he has done... or chewed.  Well, that's not true, I have a hard time forgetting all the costly things he has chewed up.  ha ha  Bandit is still hanging in there, despite all the changes.  He continues to follow around his favorite person, Greta.

So, here's to 2013.  It was good year with so many changes and challenges.  Welcome 2014, I am looking forward to the joys you will bring.  This year will be about living with purpose and finding our place.

Off Track In The Rain

This picture is obviously not me but it's the best I could find when I searched for "joints and rain".  Most of the pics were not about knee joints!  HA HA

Spring is the time to start fresh, right?  For some reason Mother Nature and my heart and body doesn't realize this.  The weather here has been unpredictable... just like me.  I am normally organized and think of myself as someone who handles change well.  I am a military spouse after all! 

I have been in a slump.  My life has gotten a bit off kilter and I am really looking forward to Spring.  I am ready to start fresh and start finding gratitude for God's gifts.  I even bought air fresheners for my car that say Think Happy Be Happy.

Today is rainy.  I usually love the rainy days.  I'll work extra hard in the morning to be able to carve out some time in the afternoon to sit and read a book and enjoy the rain.  Today I realized that it takes longer to recover from surgery than I thought and rain makes the pain flare up but I am happy to have a knee that is still getting me around - even if it is super achy on rainy days.  I missed an Etsy order and discovered that people are kind and forgiving.  Thank you Lindsay for your understanding.  I may be easily overwhelmed at this moment and a bit emotional.  We have a move coming up and so many things to keep my mind wrapped around.  I am thankful to God for making me a woman who feels joy just as strongly as any other emotion.  I am also blessed to have a family who sees my needs.  Just last night my husband listened to my worries and assured me that he understood and my girls cleaned the kitchen after dinner so I could have a break.

So, thank you God for getting me a bit off track in the rain today so I can be reminded to be thankful for the mercy and grace that you have freely given.

PCS and Military Friends

It normally takes me about six months to get settled in and start making friends when we move someplace new.  I usually need that time to get moved in our new-to-us home, get the kids in their activities, and find my way around.  I am slow and being a military wife for almost two decades hasn't sped up that process.

Gene takes forever (or never) to make a friend.  I don't know what that says about him but he is slow to open up around new people and even slower to let someone in the Focker Circle Of Trust.  I can count his true friends on one hand.  Maybe I should be thankful... when he commits he is committed for life.  That is a good thing in a marriage.  ha ha

It is even more rare for us to both connect with a couple and have our kids get along.  If memory serves me correctly, this phenonmenon has happened in only two or three moves.  You know if you are one of those two or three.

This relationship was a win-win.  You know what I'm talking about... the kind of peeps that you wear your pjs over to their house to have a glass of wine while the kids raise hell in the back of the house.  The more amazing part of this friendship matrimony is that it happened in a span of less than a year.  Sadly, they left us for Hawaii... the other woman.  *sniff* *sniff*

I have been in mourning for about a month now but I feel that it is my duty to create a permanent record and start to move on.  Let the healing begin.  Just kidding, the beautiful part of being in the military is that you always run into people again.  So, instead of saying goodbye I made them a token of my affection that said "see ya' later."  Brad, Tab and family - enjoy Hawaii but know that the neighborhood isn't the same and I am getting a lot more sleep.

Co-ed basketball and a brave girl.

Meet "chicken little".  Before Gigi tries anything new she weighs the pros and cons.  What is at risk in the situation?  The kid frequently worries and what ifs  her way through life.  I can't tell you how many times I have had to gently or not so gently push this little chic out of the nest.  We joke that Gigi will have a fantastic career in risk management.  She can identify the possible risk in the mundane everyday stuff - she claims that she will never drive a car because there are too many risks involved.  This attitude has it benefits too.  I never had to worry about her wandering away from me in the grocery store when she was little.  *smiling and remembering those sweet days*

Then I take a moment and look at pictures like these and realize that Gigi is brave.  She doesn't worry about many of the things her peers worry about.  She's not worried about being the most popular.  She doesn't worry about her hair or her clothes (although I wish she would have a bit more concern about wearing deodorant - ha ha).

 

She has to be brave.  We are a military family so we move and start all over every few years.  Now that takes courage.

Co-ed basketball wasn't her first choice.  Where are all the 5th grade girls who play sports?  There is a big difference in a group of 5th grade to 7th grade boys and girls.  The boys are starting to get much more physical.  One of her teammates is a good 12-18 inches taller than everyone else.  He dominates the court.

Gigi doesn't give up.  She is a defensive force to be reckoned with and will guard the bigger kids without thinking twice.  She hustles up and down the court... no walking for this kid.  She doesn't complain about a bigger boy pushing her around on the court.  She pushes back.  When it comes to shooting the basket, she is still timid and doubts her skills.  Hopefully, that will come along as the season progresses.  If it doesn't, that's okay.  I am proud of her for being brave and getting out there and playing her best.  That's all we ask.

My husband makes the coffee!

I hear this frequently from my fellow coffee drinking military wife friends... my husband makes the coffee.  Gene makes the coffee in my house.  Sometimes I feel guilty because I will stay in bed yelling out "Is the coffee ready yet?!?!"  I mean, why get up if the coffee isn't ready?

I think there are two main reasons why Gene makes the coffee... he gets up first.  I love, love, love the time I have alone in the bed right after he gets up.  It is warm and cozy and I normally scoot over to his spot.  For some reason, it just feels better.  There is also this reason... I make a pretty crappy pot of coffee.  I just can't get it right.  It is always too weak or way too strong.  (and I mean glug-glug slide out of the coffee maker like slime strong) Gene makes strong coffee but over the years I have learned to enjoy his cup of joe... with lots of creamer.

Gene travels a lot for his job.  When he travels he will usually make a pot of coffee (or if he has to leave super early, I have to make my own pot of coffee - YIKES!) and I drink from that pot until he comes home.  When he was deployed I would frequently make a huge strong pot of coffee on Monday and microwave a cup everyday until it ran out.  After day five you really only need half a cup because some type of molecular change has occurred and that stuff is straight caffeine.  During the last deployment I would stop by my friend's house after I dropped off the girls at school and drink her coffee (some mornings I still had on my pajamas).  I wonder if she ever pretended not to be home?

So now I have to issue a formal apology to Gene.  Here it goes: "Gene I am sorry for scoffing, belittling, and doubting your purchase of the odd little one cup old fashioned coffee maker ceramic mug thingy."  This thing is great!  While Gene is living it up on work trips I can now enjoy a fresh cup of coffee every single morning.  Thanks Geno!!

Adventures at Ft. Lost In The Woods

It's chilly and rainy today, my chores are finished, and I am working on a painting but a layer needs to dry so it is the perfect time to share some of our adventures at Ft. Leonard Wood.  Over the past couple of weeks we explored the Big Piney River and Miller Cave. ( I need a distraction since it is raining and our dog was sprayed by a skunk last night.  Nothing smells better than a wet skunky dog.)

Gene and the girls swam in the Big Piney River while I took pictures and ran from horse flies!  I think Gigi must be swatting at one in this picture.

 Gigi found a little fishing net that someone left behind.  She was determined to catch some of the tiny fish nibbling on her toes.

 Greta spent most of her time swimming up stream and them floating back down.  Just like that girl... going against the current.

On another Sunday we all hiked to Miller Cave.  I am not a fan of caves but this one was amazing.  It boggles my mind that American Indians used to climb up and down the bluff and live in these caves.  They didn't even have any safety rails or warning signs!

Hazardous Cliff!! Don't go beyond the danger sign. Gene scoffs at danger.

 The picture below is the opening in the cave that you climb through to get to the large open area of the cave that over looks the bluff.

After you climb through the opening the cave opens up to this beautiful view.

Gigi found a snake skin in the cave.  We had to tell her over and over that she couldn't bring it home.

 

Nature is incredible.  Just look at how this tree grew out of the cave to reach the sunlight.  Now that's how you make lemonade when life gives you lemons.

EVERY MILITARY WIFE SHOULD READ THIS!!! *SNIFF*

by Brooke Totty Miller on Saturday, September 10, 2011 at 12:28pm

Letter to a military spouse
While I have never had the pleasure of meeting you or your husband, I felt the need to write you and express a very deep feeling that I have in my heart.
I, as a person, am not brave. I do not tackle things head on, as I hate confrontation. I will travel 100 miles out of my way just to avoid a conflict. I am an American woman that has no idea what is going on in the military other than what I hear on the news.
I have never had to let go of someone so that they could go fight for people that they didn't know, people that sometimes do not appreciate or understand what they are fighting for.
I have never had a sleepless night of worry because of a report that another bomb has exploded and I still haven't heard from my husband.
I have never had to wait for months on end to hold the one that I loved so.
I have never had to tell my children that daddy wasn't coming home tonight because he was so far away fighting for something that they aren't yet old enough to understand.
I have never had to hold my head high and suppress the tears as I hear that it will be at least another six months of separation before my loved one gets to come home.
I have never had to deal with a holiday away from the one that I thought I would share every day of my life with.
And I have never had to feel the panic rising in my heart at the sound of a ringing phone or knock at the door for fear that it is the news that everyone is terrified of getting.
For the reasons listed above, I can not tell you that I understand how you feel. I can not tell you that you must be strong. I can not say that you shouldn't be angry, because you "knew what you were getting into when you married a military man". I can not say these things because I have never had to walk in your shoes.
What I can say for certain is that because of your unselfish acts of bravery and your husbands willingness to stand up for those who see him as "just another soldier" - - I will never have to walk in your shoes.
I do understand that as a military wife you are expected to uphold a certain amount of control, but I never understood how you could do it, until now. I have figured out that you are not like other women. You are of a special breed. You have a strength within you that holds life together in the darkest of hours, a strength of which I will never possess. The faith you have is what makes you stand out in a crowd; it makes you glow with emotion and swell with pride at the mention of The United States of America.
You are a special lady, a wonderful partner and a glorious American.
I have more respect for your husband than I could ever tell you, but until recently I never thought much about those that the soldier leaves at home during deployment.
Until this moment I could never put into words exactly what America meant to me.
Until this moment, I had no real reason to.... Until I heard of you.
Your husband and his military family hold this nation close, safe from those who wish to hurt us...but you and those like you are the backbone of the American family. You keep the wheels in motion and the hearts alive while most would just break completely down. Military families make this nation what it is today.
You give us all hope and you emit a warming light at the end of a long dark tunnel.
Because of you and your family...I am able to be me. I am able to have my family. I am able to walk free in this great land. Because of you and your family, I can look ahead to the future with the knowledge that life is going to be okay. Because of you and your family, I can awake to a new day, everyday.
I realize that you are a stronger person than I will ever be because of these things and I just wanted to take the time today to say thank you to you and your family for allowing me that freedom.
I will never be able to repay this debt to you, as it is unmatchable. However, I hope that you know that no matter where you are...what you are doing...what has happened today...or what will happen tomorrow...Your husband will NEVER be "just another soldier" to me.... And you, dear sweet lady, will never be forgotten.
You are all in my prayer's everyday and I pray that God will bring you back together with your loved one safely.
May God Bless You!
(Author Unknown)

Moving Stinks

How many moves has it been? I think it has been nine total but my memory gets a bit fuzzy. I am feeling a bit fuzzy - and not in the good way, more like the way your head feels after a few to many drinks and not enough hours of sleep. So, I guess I have a moving hangover. I think I will make that an official military wife term.

Time heals wounds, right? Well, I am wounded right now. I miss my friends who became my family while we lived in Iowa. They would understand that right now I am not in a good place but it will get better. They wouldn't be alarmed that I am counting the days until I laugh. They would rub my shoulders and get me a cold beer because my feet, back, and fingers are aching from moving and unpacking boxes. I have a great friend who has a darling daughter who would rub my feet while they dangled in the pool. It doesn't get any better.

I am tired of unpacking boxes. I wonder, why do we need so much stuff? Each house is different and I have to find a new place to store everything. Then I have to remember where we put things. Sometimes we just plain old forget and then we forget what we were looking for.

My last complaint is about the housing. We are in a rental that is nice but the previous owner didn't take care of her home. In her defense, her husband was in the desert for 18 months. You know you are in a military house when the doorbell is The Army Song! My complaint isn't necessarily about the rental... it is about the on-post military housing. Gene jumped through a lot of hoops to get us on the waiting list for housing. When I saw it I cried. It was insulting. My husband has served his country for almost 20 years, regularly works 12 hour days, deployed three times, and has been shot at, bombed, and had his life changed forever and we are offered a home that is pathetic. I would be grateful for any home if they didn't take so much money out of his pay in exchange for a 1,000 square foot building that has zero storage... and a stove shoved up against the counter top... and an apartment size refrigerator... and a one car carport... and dirt patches for a front yard... and... I could go on but it is too frustrating.

Now, I guess it is time for me to dig deep into my military wife reserves and find the silver lining. Moving is a special time for Gene and I to bond and count on eachother. Our back deck looks out over gorgeous full grown trees. Friday loves his big fenced backyard. I get to make a home for our two girls and help them through the pain of leaving behind friends. It gives them an unique opportunity to build their relationship as sisters and friends. We have another chance to simplify our life by donating unused household items to people who need them. But mostly, this move is an opportunity to realize how important family and friends are and to go out there and make more friends who will make my life special.

Moving Day and Dominoes

Oh my goodness!!! We have the experience, the know-how, and the ability to make a PCS go smoothly... in theory. At least a month in advance we review our calender and decide the best dates to actually move. There is a lot to be scheduled at this time with a lot of different government agencies, local utilities, the girls events, blah-blah. It is a well oiled machine... unless someone or something puts a wrench in the plan.

If one person or business is off even a couple of hours then the milkshake hits the fan. For example - the packers are a day and a half late. How does a business run like that and still get customers? They are supposed to be here "soon" and have the entire contents of our house safely packed in two and a half hours. Hmmmm, if I were a betting women I would place my bet on "not in a million years." The comical part is that the guy who is in charge of the moving crew is here to confirm that his peeps will be here tomorrow to load the truck. Tomorrow is the ONLY date that he can get this done. It shouldn't take long if nothing is ready.

And my sweet Gene... he is trying to be patient but I can see the steam building. I know that he is mentally trying to figure out how in the world he will get all these things rescheduled - if needed - and still clear housing in time.

When you were a kid did you ever stand up dominoes next to each other for the sheer joy of knocking over that first domino and watching the rest tumble? Like I said, after 18 years in the military we should be able to do this in our sleep. Ya' right!

Losing My Mind

The stress of moving is great. It is a big jumble of messes, necessities, confusion, and ups and downs... all in the course of a day. In the middle of all this daily life continues. Swim lessons continue. Softball games continue. Dirty laundry continues. But most importantly, I continue.

I continue to try to give my girls something fun to do every day of summer break. We continue to have play dates with those friends we will miss dearly. We eat a little bit more ice cream than we normally would. Some days Gene and I forget to touch base and schedules get messed up but for the most part we are patient with each other.

I continue to feel a little bit more anxiety each day... I can't tolerate any additional outside stress from the normal so I try to protect myself and my family. The girls are feeling the stress also... they say things that they normally wouldn't say and they wear their feelings on their sleeves. They are incredibly sensitive right now. While they are in such a vulnerable state, I am trying to be more patient and pulling the girls in close so they can avoid some of the hurts that may come their way. I am holding their hand in new or difficult situations. We are talking about the unknown and what to expect. I don't have a lot of answers for their questions. What will their new school be like? What sports will they play? Where will Gigi take piano lessons? Will they get their own rooms... for the first time?

How am I staying sane? Some may question me using the term "sane." Gene and I are going to softball games and CHEERING for Gigi and watching Greta play with her softball friends. Greta has this knack for making new friends at Gigi's games. I am working daily on getting ready for the move by sorting through all of our belongings. There is something cleansing for the soul in the act of simplifying your life. One of my favorite things to do to relax is to lose myself in a book. I am reading The Last Days of Ptolemy Grey which is a story of an elderly man who is losing his mind but finding love from his family. Ptolemy's story inspired this post. There are a lot of things to learn from books.

Fatherhood Event

Once a month the Rock Island Arsenal hosts a fatherhood event. It is a couple of hours for military Dads to spend with their kids. Gene and the girls went to Incredible Pizza. I don't know who had more fun playing the video games - Gene or the girls.

I can't tell you how special this program is and how much my girls enjoy this time. So often, a soldier's work hours are so long that he may only see his kids for a few minutes a day. He normally leaves at 5:30am and doesn't get home until after 7pm. Or, if it is a job like Gene's, he is traveling most of the time.

We have been blessed this year to have Gene around. He has taken advantage of this unusual schedule and volunteers to help with the girls' events whenever possible. He has celebrated being a Dad every day. He was Greta's Girl Scout Troop's Cookie Mom. Not many fathers can say they organized a cookie sale. He is even helping at VBS this summer. This special time in our lives will soon be over and I know we will miss him. Moving this time means more than leaving our friends... in a way we are leaving behind one of the best opportunites that came our way and one of the best times of our family's life. He won't be there to take the girls to school or help get them ready for bed. That will become my job again and I tell you... it goes so much smoother when he is around.

I hope the girls look back and remember this year instead of the years that Gene has been deployed. I also hope that he will still be able to go to special events with them like the Fatherhood Program every once in a while. They mean so much to all of us. He means so much to us.

Our New Home

This is the picture of our possible new house when we PCS. I am trying to have an open mind and be positive. I don't want to be a house snob. The family makes a home not the house, right !?! But honestly, I am a stay-at-home Mom and this house makes me sad. My place of employment will be behind those walls with those tiny windows that on a perfect day will let in some sunshine. Are the railings industrial metal? Is that white gravel leading up to my inviting front door?

I know what your thinking... don't complain. We will only be there for a few years. But let me tell you a little secret... we are close to retiring from the military and I am getting grumpy in my old age. Part of the problem is my obsession with searching for our retirement house on Realtor.com. It is house porn for me. I scour the internet for houses in our price range located in any area that we have considered as a retirement possibility. None of them look like this... unless there are several acres involved.

My last complaint about our housing, which I know I will happily adapt to, is that it is 12oo square feet and housing can't tell us if there is a basement for storage. So, what do we do with our extra furniture that won't fit in that house? I can't move it and have it sit on the front lawn (my college days are over). It costs more for storage for two years than to buy a new couch. But what if there is a usable basement area for video games and toys and we sold all our extra furniture? Maybe having a couch on the front lawn isn't so bad after all if it saves us some money.... not.

Even though it seems that I am becoming an old grouchy military wife who is getting tired of the unknown, I will end on a positive note. If this is a picture of my future home/workplace I'll get outside more and walk the dog. Maybe I can drop a few lbs.

Veteran's Day "Your Soldier. Your love."

Veteran's Day was yesterday. Gene put on his uniform and went to the school to participate in a flag raising ceremony, hand out pencils, and enjoy the choir singing America the Beautiful. I didn't go. I joked with my friends that I didn't go because I wanted to shower and have some free time.

The truth is that I can't see a soldier, especially Gene, listen to children singing America the Beautiful. I can't watch my soldier interact with all those smiling grateful children. I can't observe Boy Scouts taking special care when handling the American flag. Being a part of the celebration would open a hole in my heart.

I would have been forced to remember all the times that he missed out on important unforgettable moments with the girls;
all the times the girls fell apart because they needed their Daddy;
all the nights I heard a creak in the house and didn't sleep while I imagined ways I would protect my little family;
all the times I wondered if I would be enough if Gene didn't make it home.

My pride and gratitude is great but some moments my pain is greater. Moments that trigger my emotions make me feel weak - even though I know God has given me strength. I would have sobbed through the morning and I chose a shower instead.

This morning my friend, who is also a military wife, posted this article on her Facebook page. The author of the article wrote a part of my heart. It is good to know that these feelings I have are not mine alone.

The first part of the article talks about deployments and is quite poignant.

When my husband was deployed, I repeatedly pictured myself at his funeral, speaking through tears to the sad assemblage in West Point's Old Cadet Chapel. I mediated the chaos of potential loss by embracing it. Fantasizing about it. Playacting it.

This next section is the mirror image of what it feels like when I look for Gene.

First there is the broad category of pride: the singular distinction of loving, and being loved by, an American soldier. Then, golden glimpses so brief, if you blink, you'll miss them, like the moment you approach a group of soldiers, knowing that your man is among them. Somewhere. You start scanning the crowd. And suddenly, within the uniform, uniformed mass, he appears. Your soldier. Your love.

As you draw closer, your blood races, each pulsing beat saying, "Mine, mine, mine," though you know he's never entirely yours, for the Army has its hold on him, too. But as you come near, he sees you right back and in that brilliant instant of recognition, the guard drops, and there he is, the he of him: the laugh, the posture, the distinguishing quirk. As your gazes hold, maybe he smiles a little, or a lot, and there is a palpable exchange - my heart for yours - made without a single word.

Enough said.


If you would like to read all of this article here it is The Quiet Side of Being A Soldier's Other Half it's only two pages but she gets to the heart, my heart, of the matter.

Where to go?

Seoul, Korea

Vicenza, Italy

Huntsville, Alabama

Honolulu, Hawaii

It is finally November!

Why do you think I am so excited about November? It's not the turkey or the pumpkin pie. It's not the falling leaves and crisp sunny days, although I really enjoy this weather. This is the month that the Army is supposed to send us our options for our next PCS.

There will be so many. I had no idea there would be so many. Gene informed me today that there will 200 or so "opportunities". Many of those jobs aren't appropriate for Gene and others are places that we don't want to live. But there will be enough to be excited about. I have zero desire to live at Ft. Bragg or Ft. Hood. Those are GIANT military posts. I want to live someplace where military people normally don't live. How about a place we would like to go for a vacation but could never afford to go... a place we haven't been... a place where we can dream. I want an adventure. We want an adventure... a safe adventure that might involve another country. But then again, Iowa has been an adventure that we have truly enjoyed.

Home is where the Army send us.

Gene has to rate all 200 or so choices and then we wait, and wait, and wait until January. Then we find out our fate. The Army may or may not consider what we rank as number one. We may end out with number 199. It is all a gamble. Either way, we will move some place new and make it an adventure. I just can't wait to see what's out there waiting for us.

When Troops Come Home

This week, while volunteering at the arsenal in the Exceptional Family Member Program I read this article: When the Troops Come Home from the National Journal magazine. I know I sound like a broken record but when it comes to deployments the water works are turned on... I had to grab a tissue.

For years I have wondered if anyone is keeping track of the divorce rate of military families since all the deployments have begun. I wonder this because I can tell you that after three deployments... it ain't easy. I have this image of this fairy tale relationship that keeps me pining away for my guy. I carry it in my heart and mind during the deployment even though I know it is not reality. It is almost like a teenage love. Then real life strikes. The event the girls and I have waited for... redeployment. Time to make the signs and try to lose those last 100 lbs.

I can sum it up in one statement from Gene that he said to our marriage counselor... "Sherry does everything so well there isn't room for me." That is a sad compliment. After a year of doing things on my own, not always so well, it is hard to find a space for my Prince Charming. It is stressful and yes, I am resentful. He has been home a year and I still find that aspect a struggle. He left me for a year to try to successfully manage our lives. I know, before I am labeled non supportive, he in no way wanted to leave his family behind to work 6.5 days and nights a week in a sandbox. He did it because he believes in what a soldier stands for, plus, he is taking care of his family.

Back to the marriage counselor part I casually threw in there... Gene and I have been married for almost two decades and we hope for another four or five. We knew after this last deployment that we needed help. I hope other military families who have the struggle with redeployment get someone to help work out the kinks. The funniest thing that our counselor told us is 'with all the things life has thrown you, it is a miracle you are still married'. My sick sense of humor finds that hilarious. Miracles do happen.

Anyhoo, I am rambling. My main point (yes, there was one) is that if you ever wonder what it is like for many families when they are reunited and life begins again, this article is a pretty darn good one.

It Made Me Cry

This is an NPR recording of a wife's thoughts about her husband's redeployment. I am stronger because of Gene's deployments but they hurt my heart - some moments in life change you forever.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=129909819

What to say?

My friend told me about this blog. http://familyvolley.blogspot.com/2010/08/things-you-should-and-should-not-say-to.html It is about family stuff but one of the posts was about what to say to a military spouse when her soldier is deployed. That peeked my interest so I had to check it out. Wow, the author did a good job addressing the topic. I've been asked so many crazy questions. I must also say that I wanted to cry. It is always surprising to me how the sadness and loneliness of a deployment is so close in my heart. It doesn't take much to get those feelings going.

So, you may be wondering which one I agree with the most? I won't say which statement bothers me the most because I understand that people really just don't know what to say and they mean well. However, for me, the best suggestion was to invite a deployed spouse over for dinner. That was the toughest time for me. Even though I knew Gene wouldn't be walking in the door for dinner I still looked for him. Plus, kids don't enjoy a meal like a hungry husband coming home from work. We eat a lot of cereal during deployments. But, without a doubt, dinner was the absolute worst time of the day. That is when families connect and share. It was a reminder that I wouldn't be sharing a meal with my guy. Did I mention LONELY?

Kudos to the Military Spouse Magazine

This month's issue of Military Spouse has some wonderful articles... and a special page that features ETSY products. I always have some skepticism when I pick up the current issue. The magazine is supposed to represent the average military spouse but like most magazines out there... the items recommended for purchase are way too expensive, the clothes aren't made in my size, and the models could not have possibly had children because they have an unbelievably flat stomachs and perky... uhm... attitudes.

This issue has the Military Spouse of the Year on the front. She looks like someone I would want as my friend. There is an article about moms who take road trips with their kids while there husbands are TDY or deployed. Trust me, that is AMAZING! And I must have the fingerprint necklace (even if I have to save up for it). I think I'd rather have fingerprints of my kids but the idea of having one of your spouse is sweet.

Good job Military Spouse. Two thumbs up... this month.