Anytime Gene is getting ready to go where the Army sends him I have anxiety. It starts as a little annoying tugging feeling in my stomach and will eventually turn into my ulcers reminding me that they are there and just waiting for their fifteen minutes of fame. I start crying over little things that seem big. It doesn't matter is he is going for a week or for a year. I guess I have deployment PTSD. I start giving myself mental pep talks about how I am a strong women, a good mother, and that I need to be focused and organized. No laziness... only determination and prayers.
Gene and the girls went on a bike ride this afternoon. I sat outside relaxing in the yard watching and waiting for my family to ride up to the house. I could hear Gigi before I saw her. She came around the corner sobbing so hard that I was certain that she had fallen off of her bike. You can tell when your child is crying because she is in pain. She ran up, collapsed on me and sobbed that she didn't want Gene to leave. No scrapes, no blood, no broken bones - just an 8 year old with a broken heart who is in pain. We miss him when he is gone. We will miss him in a few days.
I am a strong woman. I am a good mother. I am focused and organized. Please God, give me strength.