Paralyzed

I'm just here to ramble...

Gene and I talk every once in a while about how much we miss each other. It is hard to describe. We both agree that it can be paralyzing.

I grieve the days because they aren't like they are supposed to be. I am tired. The day to day activities aren't bad... I have gotten used to that... but the emotional exhaustion doesn't end.

I pray that the deployments don't hurt my children emotionally. Am I able to be the parent they need?

Do they know how much their Dad misses them? How it must be so difficult for him to miss the simple things in life like both of them having their front teeth gone at the same time, tucking them in bed, or being at parent teacher conferences.

I wish I was stronger and didn't let things like holidays and birthdays bring me down. Thinking about how much I miss Gene and thinking about things like this can be paralyzing.

I am working really hard at adopting a new frame of mind... only positive. Well, only positive went out the window today.

Tomorrow I'll wake up and thank God for another day. I'll be thankful that Gene is a soldier. We have a beautiful little home with great neighbors. We have been able to see a lot of the United States. My husband has a career that he can be proud of ... we are proud of him.

Tomorrow I will lift up my children and give them only positive attention and love. Tonight, I am paralyzed.